THE CAT 
They arrived home late because of a quick stop in the supermarket. Both were anxious of the fact that they haven't found a cheaper cat litter for the newfound pet. B hasn't really seen the cat, and according to A, the cat is a stray white keeper which happened to pass by the house all dripping and dirty.
The drive home was smooth. Tree-lined streets and a maze-like layout filled the formerly wastelands of the city. Madonna was never been hipper with the reverberating
confessions on the dance floor. The still of the night, however, failed to fully envelop the tension created by the previous argument. B has to decided to finally give up on their relationship the other day, but it proved very futile that he didn't have the guts to stand firmly on his decision. Love could easily blind people, he said. A was very reserved, as usual, perhaps because the situation is already problematic, and he did not like any more complication.
The assurance that B needed was never discussed, instead he falls content again on such predicament of being 'the other guy'. Nevertheless, the supposedly clearing-up rendezvous became easily overshadowed by the news of a cat.
The cat was nowhere to be found when they arrived. The two hissed and called for it but nothing happened. Hopes turned sour and faces became unlit. The two were bitterly sighing when after 5 minutes, the feline appeared from a distance.
The kitten was a breath of fresh air. It was dirtied of course, with playing and traipsing all day in the village, but cats are territorial in nature. A already gave it sardines earlier that morning, and cats are supposed to acknowledge that as a sign of domestication. Feet and fur drenched, the kitten ate the treat served in a modest saucer. A picked it up after and dried the stray pet.
A never looked more lovely with that sight. He exudes the concern and warmth B kept on expecting from him. The maternal acts and the obvious love A had for the kitten translated to a new image of him. Suddenly, B wished he had the supernatural powers to morph into a cat, so he could feel the warmth he had longed for quite some time now. A was oblivious of this, and B decided to keep the stupid thought on his mind.
The kitten was indeed lovely, it purred and clung to both of their side. The newfound member called for attention every time, and the two gleefully attended to it. It was such a perfect sight for B, as more wishful thinking crossed his mind to his content. But the more thoughts he entertained about the cat and his suffering with A, the more tears lined his eyes, B realized it was a stupid thing after all.
Playing with the cat and the newly-established attention it provides gave the two more of a preoccupation. The small feline craved for more food and more warmth from both of them, that it filled the supposedly sad and dead air between them. The cat provided B the lacking passion, that he cannot demand from A now. Especially now that A seemed annoyed by his previous and juvenile acts. In fact, when the cat slept on B's side, while A sat on the stool away from them, B pretended that the kitten was indeed A, all caressing and demanding his love.
It was such a pity sight when the two headed for the bedroom, when the cat just stared at them from the first floor. Fearing the kitten could anytime now make its smelly dump, A patiently watched it from the dark that has now cloaked the entire house. B felt the affection from this gesture and half-expected that the same glow could be given to him as well when they're finally settled in bed.
Again, B was wrong.
The compassion and the spirit that A showed the kitten was not felt at all. It was withdrawn in fact, as A immediately slipped to slumber and B had to push his way into kissing him. A was as still as the trusses of the Bird's Nest and as cold as the Water Cube, from their earlier viewing of the Beijing Olympics that tired them both. B felt more hurt now, as the stern treatment kept him awake for hours; a weird effect of a cold kiss on his super assuming heart.
The morning came all gloomy. A greeted the morning with a glacial face, as he sped up from the bed down to the kitchen. B, already used with this morning routine, forced himself with a smile and walked straight to A, hoping to kiss him 'good morning'. But the morning was extraordinary indeed, as the cat purred his way to B's legs, reminding him of the cordiality he surely wanted. And the gesture filled his heart. How he wished it came from A, but such a thought was dissolved by A's crankiness. B lifted the kitten instead, and kissed it with fondness.
The day passed with moments filled with both worth keeping and shrugging off. B was all expecting for things to turn out affirming, but he guessed that fate must have really hated him when the boyfriend called. A picked up the phone with the usual good spirit, a rare occasion for B nowadays. A talked with regard and appetite that greatly crushed B's bubbles, and the cat was there to console him. It was as if the kitten could relate and feel the ache inside his heart that everything could very well be relieved with a simple scratch. B half-hoped for an argument or a misunderstanding with the boyfriend, something that could blow the top off A, just as any simple
paglalambing from B creates. But everything was in order, much to B's dismay.
A took a nap without even telling B. Somehow used with the cold treatment, B lay beside him. The hug that he gave him felt painful, as everything he had hoped for seemingly vanishes before his very eyes. Although he has promised to not hope for more things than this, it somehow felt unfair that the love could easily be wasted that instantly. The cat's meowing was heard from the bedroom, it made him cry, for B could very well relate to the kitten's calling.
The tenderness of the hug woke A, and asked for more. Only this time, it was hurried and impersonal. B modestly obliged, although trying to entice it up at first, but his efforts seemed insufficient. It saddened him, but did the love anyway.
The day was coming to an end. A was off to somewhere else with the family, and B planned for nothing when he arrives home. The kitten felt the preparation, and showed eagerness. B felt the need to stay for the cat, but such reason could annoy A, thinking of it as unnecessary and immature. But the two decided to bring the little one with them anyway, than to leave it once again outside.
The horizon was beginning to disappear with the dawn coming. The cat felt motion sickness perhaps that it was uncomfortable in B's lap. Nothing more about the previous argument was brought up. No affirmation, nor consolation was aired. The conversation revolved around the newfound pet, and everything was all left there suspended.
He got off the car with heavy feet. It was now time to go home. The cat stared at B with eyes that could melt the entire Arctic shelf, and all that B could do was to say goodbye. He wanted to kiss the cat with indulgence, but he realized it was not his, in the first place.
It was not his to call his own, in fact. He was just an unfortunate visitor in that kitten's chapter.
The car sped up the curb, as B immediately hailed a taxi. He did not want anybody to see his moistened eyes. It broke his heart that it could be the last time that he will see the cat. And it felt unfair and hurtful, because all he wanted was the love from every purring and attention that the cat could give. He cannot fully love it even if he wants to. And he cried because it was simply impossible.
The cat could never be his.
Labels: self-pity, Short story, solitude
