27

In times of utter despair and you find yourself in near-clinical depression, you tend to yearn for beautiful things you might have had or missed. Oftentimes, people with sleeping disorders like me, struggle to achieve that state of bliss by merely hoping that all those things could at least come true or come back. Only, since we've all missed that bus at least once in our lives, we end up sleeping with tears or waking up with a big headache.

I am 27 now. Although I don't necessarily regret all those things that happened to me, I surely do miss all those things that have made me a better person now. So here's a list of 27 uberrantings, musings, hopes and misses that have troubled me for the last week. Argh.

I MISS:
1. That good, intimate and sincere kiss.
2. Being taken care of.
3. Celebrating stupid monthsaries, anniversaries and other dates.
4. Being harassed looking for that special gift to a loved one.
5. Movie marathon or not arguing over a Foreign language film.
6. Going out-of-town with that special one.
7. Taking a bath/shower together.
8. Dining intimately and sweetly in a fine restaurant.
9. Engaging in couple sports.
10. A big hug after a day of stress.
11. Exchanging sweet nothings.
12. Discussing future plans with a hope of lasting forever.
13. A really, really HOT sex, not that 'let's just get this over with' kind or 'i have to get up early tomorrow ' sex.


I HOPE:
14. That Hell is non-existent, because this boring and depressing Summer is endless, it resembles Dante's Inferno.
15. That my life change its course, its getting pretty lame.
16. That my bird-brained boss dies, for her sheer stupidity doesn't have a place in our society.
17. That I find purpose as soon as possible.
18. That Manny Pacquiao stops his obvious profiteering, because boxing has become more of a gamble than a sport.
19. Somebody kills off GMA and all those traditional politicians and bureaucrats, because our politics is getting nowhere, more and more people are leaving the country.
20. That the 2010 Elections pursue.

I LOVE:

21. House, 30 Rock and How I Met your Mother; because they consume most of my time this Summer.
22. The Global-Warming-induced rains, because they preoccupy our local news, instead of delving so much on the Mar Roxas pathetic profession of love to Korina Sanchez.
23. Century Tuna, for providing me with decent food, when budget and limited choices in the menu take a toll on my meals.
24. How my company wastes energy, as we senselessly report for VL. With free air conditioning and internet, not to mention bonding time with friends in our offices, they really do us a big favor this time.


I'M PUZZLED:
25. With how a company (that brags to the world world its sense of community) manages to be oblivious despite its corrupt and decaying culture/system/people.
26. With my own stubbornness, that I still stick with this predicament. The same predicament that has fooled me for months and caused me so much heartaches.

I STILL WANT:
27. To believe -- that my future is not a waste, that I will be happier in the next coming months, that life for the Filipinos will be promising with its kind of democracy, that love is not just a chemical reaction to pass on the genes, that I will be a better and a wiser man this time.


I know my list is a bit cynical. I just hope my 27th year yields far-convincing proofs that my life is indeed worth living.

MIDNIGHT TRAIN TO GEORGIA


I just love 30 ROCK! I actually spent most of the Holy Week watching Seasons 2 and 3, and now I cant get enough of them. Everybody is hilarious, especially the sarcasm! I would love to be a part of Liz Lemon's team.

This episode is one of my favorites, and it all began when Tracy brought a cappuccino machine in their office. However, Kenneth doesn't drink coffee, for the belief that coffee is corruptive. Kenneth became so addicted to coffee, he found himself totally changed by the 'NY lifestyle'. He decided to go home and catch the train, hence the 'musical part' of the episode. Meanwhile, Liz got paranoid over a posh apartment and Jack broke up with CC, the Democrat Congresswoman he fell in love with. Everybody summed up the episode, and of course their own experiences, with this Motown classic. Gladys Knight also appeared at the end.

Aww. this is good TV. I just wish we have something like this.

TONIGHT I CAN WRITE THE SADDEST LINES

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example,'The night is shattered
and the blue stars shiver in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me sometimes, and I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is shattered and she is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight searches for her as though to go to her.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another's. She will be another's. Like my kisses before.
Her voide. Her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.

Pablo Neruda

WOW

Thousands of DVDs -- from the most stupid to the most mind-boggling.

Books -- Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn, The Choice, The Arctic Event, Nights in Rodanthe.

Night-out and Events -- Makati, Eastwood, The Fort, Timog, Bay Area, Malate; from Farenheit to Project Runway Finale Show (Philippine Fashion Week).

TV Shows -- Friends, The Tudors, Project Runway Philippines, How I Met Your Mother, Amazing Race and CSI.


And some other things that pushed me to the edge.

Wow, all these, in a matter of 4 weeks.

Moving on and getting things right surely is expensive, not to mention, very sad...

ARGH!

MUSINGS

A friend blogger gets troubled by the seeming hopelessness in Philippine society. I just can't blame him. A lot of people actually share the same sentiment, and it somehow gladdens me.

Because the more people who arrive at such consciousness, the more hope there is for us Filipinos.

A society that tolerates a corrupt government is as corrupt as the whole system itself. The way we apathize over GMA is one proof of that corruption. We have been very vigilant as a people, from the earliest times. In fact, the Spaniards had a difficult time pacifying the Philippines. But as we come close to the 2010, nothing has much changed, we are still that FORGIVING and EASY-TO-DEAL-WITH Filipinos. Not that Im saying those values are wrong, but at some point, they spell doom most of the time.

We were considered one of the most active citizenry in the world before. But lately, people have been numbed by the stagnant state of everything. I really cant blame those Filipinos who seek solace and fortune abroad. "When you're all shitty and sweaty in the kitchen, get out", I think that's what most of them say.

But I like the filth and the never-ending sweatdrops. I always carry a handkerchief for that. I do not want to leave the country. I guess as long as we continue to empower the people, there is still hope for the Philippines. There still hope for this great nation of ours, if we start the change within.

But enough is enough. WILL SOMEONE PLEASE BOMB BATASANG PAMBANSA OR AT LEAST KILL OFF GLORIA? CAN ABS-CBN AND GMA STOP THOSE MIND-NUMBING SHOWS? CAN SOMEBODY CLONE ANDRES BONIFACIO?

That will really make a difference.

ONE THING WE FILIPINOS SHOULDN'T MISS



The Ayala Museum Gold of Ancestors Collection is finally open to the public. After a long wait, more specifically hundred of years of defining and searching for that distinct Filipino identity, we now have something to really brag about, alongside the collections of Egypt, Mesopotamia, China or any other ancient civilization.



The collection's something we shouldn't all miss. When I first saw the brochure, I wanted to cry, seriously. I wanted to show the world the treasures we have in the Philippines, the very civilization we had (and was diminished) even before those bully Westerners came.



I can't wait to go there. Maybe this weekend, I will try to retrace my steps as a Filipino, with this collection.

Mabuhay ang Pilipinas!