THE PROBLEM WITH CRITIQUE

I am not self-righteous, in fact, I know my flaws. But I've noticed everytime we tell our friends their 'areas to improve on', they become a little bit hostile. Why is that?

I don't have any problems facing my shortcomings, and I would love everyone I know to be like that. If I am your friend, you'll hear those straight from me, no holds barred but hoping you won't get offended and you'd take it constructively. I am a man of truthfulness and sometimes, tactlessness (according to people), I tend to be overly-critical, brutal, cynical and sarcastic. I AM LIKE THAT.

This same attitude often brings me to utter destruction, for people just seem to realize the sheer brutality in my comments. I loathe that, because the only reason I am being such, is because I am concerned. That's how I show my love and affection to friends. If I tell you of your relentless stupidity, its because I want you to change that, for the better.

However, I came to realize that in friendships, sometimes, its just more humane to shut up. Shutting up is far-fetched in my vocabulary, but the more I think of it, the better it sounds/appeals to me. Its what elders call as Prudence. And I must admit, I haven't got that.

In social relationships, it is indeed hard to define boundaries. Sometimes, our mere prying on the social life of friends may be interpreted otherwise. Our simple remarks could end up in misunderstanding, and our words could mean a thousand in one's ears. I've grown to be a lover of truth, thats why I always search for one; and the more I tell it, the more complicated life gets, because truth is quantifiable in millions of ways.

This is the constant dilemma, as I try to help a struggling friend face his unnoticed pitfalls -- to tell the truth but people consider that as hurtful, or tell a lie, compromise and fabricate the truth so people would just get along. In the end, it all boils down to the actual case, its subjective.

But if things will really be my way, I will still blurt out the shocking and awful truth. I don't care if people view me as a monster or plain evil, because that is what I think will be best for you. Friends are there to help, guide, mold, reprimand, understand and support each other, they're family. If I told you things you're hesitant to accept, I expect you to face that. If you're reluctant and get offended, I will still make you realize those things, I will apologize, but I won't take it back.

Truth comes in different forms, and in my circle of friends, truth comes in a pedantic and critical presence -- me.

I really dont want to treat LOVE as mere commodity, but recent events have made me realize that love COULD be. Sigh.


Lessons in Love, by Way of Economics

By BEN STEIN of the New York Times

Published: July 13, 2008



AS my fine professor of economics at Columbia, C. Lowell Harriss (who just celebrated his 96th birthday) used to tell us, economics is the study of the allocation of scarce goods and services. What could be scarcer or more precious than love? It is rare, hard to come by and often fragile.

My primary life study has been about love. Second comes economics, so here, in the form of a few rules, is a little amalgam of the two fields: the economics of love. (I last wrote about this subject 20 years or so ago, and it’s time to update it.)

In general, and with rare exceptions, the returns in love situations are roughly proportional to the amount of time and devotion invested. The amount of love you get from an investment in love is correlated, if only roughly, to the amount of yourself you invest in the relationship.

If you invest caring, patience and unselfishness, you get those things back. (This assumes, of course, that you are having a relationship with someone who loves you, and not a one-sided love affair with someone who isn’t interested.)

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High-quality bonds consistently yield more return than junk, and so it is with high-quality love. As for the returns on bonds, I know that my comment will come as a surprise to people who have been brainwashed into thinking that junk bonds are free money. They aren’t. The data from the maven of bond research, W. Braddock Hickman, shows that junk debt outperforms high quality only in rare situations, because of the default risk.

In love, the data is even clearer. Stay with high-quality human beings. And once you find that you are in a junk relationship, sell immediately. Junk situations can look appealing and seductive, but junk is junk. Be wary of it unless you control the market.

(Or, as I like to tell college students, the absolutely surest way to ruin your life is to have a relationship with someone with many serious problems, and to think that you can change this person.)

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Research pays off. The most appealing and seductive (that word again) exterior can hide the most danger and chance of loss. For most of us, diversification in love, at least beyond a very small number, is impossible, so it’s necessary to do a lot of research on the choice you make. It is a rare man or woman who can resist the outward and the surface. But exteriors can hide far too much.

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In every long-term romantic situation, returns are greater when there is a monopoly. If you have to share your love with others, if you have to compete even after a brief while with others, forget the whole thing. You want to have monopoly bonds with your long-term lover. At least most situations work out better this way. ( I am too old to consider short-term romantic events. Those were my life when Lyndon Johnson and Richard Nixon were in the White House.)

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The returns on your investment should at least equal the cost of the investment. If you are getting less back than you put in over a considerable period of time, back off.

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Long-term investment pays off. The impatient day player will fare poorly without inside information or market-controlling power. He or she will have a few good days but years of agony in the world of love.

To coin a phrase: Fall in love in haste, repent at leisure.

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Realistic expectations are everything. If you have unrealistic expectations, they will rarely be met. If you think that you can go from nowhere to having someone wonderful in love with you, you are probably wrong.

You need expectations that match reality before you can make some progress. There may be exceptions, but they are rare.

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When you have a winner, stick with your winner. Whether in love or in the stock market, winners are to be prized.

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Have a dog or many dogs or cats in your life. These are your anchors to windward and your unfailing source of love.

Ben Franklin summed it up well. In times of stress, the three best things to have are an old dog, an old wife and ready money. How right he was.

THERE is more that could be said about the economics of love, but these thoughts may divert you while you are thinking about your future.

And let me close with another thought. I am far from glib about the economy. It has a lot of pitfalls facing it. As workers and investors, we know that many dangers lurk in our paths.

But so far, these things have always worked themselves out and this one will, too. In the meantime, they say that falling in love is wonderful, and that the best is falling in love with what you have.

MUSINGS

A friend blogger gets troubled by the seeming hopelessness in Philippine society. I just can't blame him. A lot of people actually share the same sentiment, and it somehow gladdens me.

Because the more people who arrive at such consciousness, the more hope there is for us Filipinos.

A society that tolerates a corrupt government is as corrupt as the whole system itself. The way we apathize over GMA is one proof of that corruption. We have been very vigilant as a people, from the earliest times. In fact, the Spaniards had a difficult time pacifying the Philippines. But as we come close to the 2010, nothing has much changed, we are still that FORGIVING and EASY-TO-DEAL-WITH Filipinos. Not that Im saying those values are wrong, but at some point, they spell doom most of the time.

We were considered one of the most active citizenry in the world before. But lately, people have been numbed by the stagnant state of everything. I really cant blame those Filipinos who seek solace and fortune abroad. "When you're all shitty and sweaty in the kitchen, get out", I think that's what most of them say.

But I like the filth and the never-ending sweatdrops. I always carry a handkerchief for that. I do not want to leave the country. I guess as long as we continue to empower the people, there is still hope for the Philippines. There still hope for this great nation of ours, if we start the change within.

But enough is enough. WILL SOMEONE PLEASE BOMB BATASANG PAMBANSA OR AT LEAST KILL OFF GLORIA? CAN ABS-CBN AND GMA STOP THOSE MIND-NUMBING SHOWS? CAN SOMEBODY CLONE ANDRES BONIFACIO?

That will really make a difference.

Nice survey...



Bands // Song Titles

Choose a band/or artist and answer only in song TITLES by that band:: Coldplay
Are you female or male:: A Rush of blood to the Head
Describe yourself:: X & Y
How do some people feel about you:: Warning Sign
How do you feel about yourself:: Yellow
Describe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend:: Square One
Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend:: The Hardest Part
Describe where you want to be:: Amsterdam
Describe what you want to be:: The Scientist
Describe how you live:: Speed of Sound
Describe how you love:: Sparks
Share a few words of wisdom:: Don't Panic

Fill out this survey yourself
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SIMPLY A RIDE

I have had three relationships. All of them gave me enough life experience that I treasure now. Although they all came from different backgrounds, my life with them is simply something money cannot measure.

The First: Rich Kid on the Block

My first venture into the real thing was right after college. I was very idealistic and impulsive then, and all felt like a challenge. The first was not at all new to this lifestyle, but he taught me valuable things about this life. We both even had the same ordeal to go through -- coming out. He came out to his family, and I, to my friends. The whole year was more of proving and withstanding every possible problem. It felt like we were going against all odds.

The Second: Call Center With Hang-ups

We started off with the wrong foot, as I had him first as the third party. It was more of a test for me. The experience, so to speak, was the typical you-turned-my-world-upside-down case, as I have trailed a complicated life. We both left our relationships and decided to start anew. It was worth it, as the two years taught me how to navigate through downtown Manila (Sta.Cruz, Recto, etc.) and live his life. This newfound experience was all different, but it was really worth it. The lessons I learned molded me into becoming the much stronger person as I believe I am now. The partnership ended with us, being tired and with a complete chaos.

The Third: The Seeming Rescue and the Apparent Bliss

Another rocky start, as I rescued him from a pointless, disrespectful and dependent relationship. It wasn't easy, as the mess brought him literal chills that I willingly embraced, and bravely conquered. Unlike the first two, our partnership was all bliss, blame it on maturity perhaps, but the whole thing was free of green eyes and paranoia. There wasn't even a third party, and just like any other song, it really had to end. It was the most realistic and bittersweet ending yet. And we were surprised at how much we've grown individually.

And that's my stupid love story. My friend once asked me, "Why do you bother being gay? When you don't look like one, you hate their music, you've had girlfriends before, and you hate the stereotype?" I just replied, "I really don't know. Maybe because it is gay."

YOU: The Gamble I Never Imagined Playing

Right now, I am torn. I simply push my luck and hope for better tomorrows. This is something out of my hands, for I have already played all my cards, and I hate to lose.

This is simply something I cannot and will not have, I suppose. And the whole waiting-in-vain is originally not my cup of tea, I just drank it blindfold.

All Im proud of, I guess, is that I didn't prevent myself from loving you. I do not like regrets and endless what-ifs, they simply bore us to death and make us cry for spilled milk. I simply seize the moment, because that is all what I have now. Should you decide to finally call it quits, I will hold my head up high, for I stuck to what was real to me and to what made me happy.

I hate my parents for bringing up a brat. I hate UP for making me an existentialist. I hate love for showering me with all things sweet and complicated. I just hate it.

RANDOM

Im back at work. I really don't feel like working at all, but there isn't any choice. I wish vacation could have been longer, but then again, I realized paranoia might completely devour me if that happens. I figured work might hand me my sanity again.

I have finally awakened from my self-made crisis and stupidity, and moved on. It has become more of a torture, and my insomnia's back. It isn't healthy anymore, thinking about ridiculous things, and wishing they'd come true.

While in a jeepney yesterday, I sat on a gum. I sighed deeply and wondered if we could finally ban chewing gum in the country, since people do not know how to dispose them. Time and space continuum was challenged because of my outburst.

A new record was set. Just this week, I have finished reading three books - Veronika Decides to Die by Paulo Coelho, A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini and Anthology of Erotic Writing by Anne Rice et al -- and am currently reading Kafka on the Shore by Haruki Murakami.

Promiscuity has been also troubling me since last week. I don't keep count, but come to think of it, I should, to trace where I'm heading -- whorehouse or oblivion.

Finally, I have bought myself curtains. However, Shopwise fooled me with its 300-peso dirty white drapes, when in fact the same curtain costs only 160php in SM. I bought a pair, to better hide from the sun and the stares.