I AM NOT RAFAEL ROSSELL
I spoke too quickly. I shouldn't have said goodbye when I perfectly knew I couldn't bear it. Much as I wanted to avoid seeing you, you're simply overwhelming.
Last night, I absolutely understood everything. You couldn't be more blunt in telling me the real deal. I appreciated it all though, for clarity is all I need in the first place. It only made me feel inferior, but nonetheless, I believe it was the bitter pill I so wanted.
This is the problem with impulsive people, they often commit stupid acts especially when it comes to love, that they do not necessarily think in the most rational sense. That we usually utter words instantly, and by the end of the day, regretting every word at all.
It only sounded though that you have millions of excuses, just not to be with me. It's okay, I'd prefer it more than beating around the bush. But subtle words and cushioning the blow havent fled Webster's actually, you might try considering it the next time. I may be a a lot of things, but Im also human. Hehe.
I couldn't offer you any more comfort that you might need now. I am just an Average Juan. Im a good and mature person though, but I am not rich you know that, apparently. Im not good-looking either, you might be better off with those with 6-pack abs and drop-dead features. I teach, Im not the principal of the school. I cannot basically brag about material things, my place is a clear testament to that. I do not have a double-degree and I can't measure up with your ex's. I'm not even tall, nor fair-skinned. I do not have foreign lineage or anything, and I guess my father having dual-citizenship in Germany wouldn't matter at all. I do not even own a computer, which is a total pity since I use it a lot. I don't have a car to fetch you with. I could go on and on, since my confidence level has really sunk big time when we cleared things up, and still, I wouldn't fit in your standards.
All I could offer is love.
That I will definitely love you no matter what, that I will be the best friend ever, that I will not hurt you, that I will compromise everything for you, that I will try to be the best you want me to be, that I will satisfy even your most ridiculous fantasies, that I will not nag nor make you kulit, that I will cook for you everyday, if that's what you want, that I will not care if you're the oldest person on earth, that I will give you space and privacy, that I will just simply be there for you when you need me, that I will love you for every minute of the day...
That's all I can offer. Just that.
But I guess that's really trashed out now. Had I been Rafael Rossell, you could have easily said YES. I guess it will be a lot more difficult if I pushed it even harder, when you have stated every possible reason there is, just not to be with me.
I am grateful though that you still consider me as a friend. I want to thank you a million for that. It only takes a real mature person to not be annoyed by my qualms and shortcomings. Insecurity may have dampen my spirit now, but I could easily make peace with that. I dont exactly understand why this sort of things happen to me, but it's really worth the experience. I learned a lot from you.
Salamat for being the bigger person here. Dont you worry, I will try to be the best friend there is. Sigh.
I spoke too quickly. I shouldn't have said goodbye when I perfectly knew I couldn't bear it. Much as I wanted to avoid seeing you, you're simply overwhelming.
Last night, I absolutely understood everything. You couldn't be more blunt in telling me the real deal. I appreciated it all though, for clarity is all I need in the first place. It only made me feel inferior, but nonetheless, I believe it was the bitter pill I so wanted.
This is the problem with impulsive people, they often commit stupid acts especially when it comes to love, that they do not necessarily think in the most rational sense. That we usually utter words instantly, and by the end of the day, regretting every word at all.
It only sounded though that you have millions of excuses, just not to be with me. It's okay, I'd prefer it more than beating around the bush. But subtle words and cushioning the blow havent fled Webster's actually, you might try considering it the next time. I may be a a lot of things, but Im also human. Hehe.
I couldn't offer you any more comfort that you might need now. I am just an Average Juan. Im a good and mature person though, but I am not rich you know that, apparently. Im not good-looking either, you might be better off with those with 6-pack abs and drop-dead features. I teach, Im not the principal of the school. I cannot basically brag about material things, my place is a clear testament to that. I do not have a double-degree and I can't measure up with your ex's. I'm not even tall, nor fair-skinned. I do not have foreign lineage or anything, and I guess my father having dual-citizenship in Germany wouldn't matter at all. I do not even own a computer, which is a total pity since I use it a lot. I don't have a car to fetch you with. I could go on and on, since my confidence level has really sunk big time when we cleared things up, and still, I wouldn't fit in your standards.
All I could offer is love.
That I will definitely love you no matter what, that I will be the best friend ever, that I will not hurt you, that I will compromise everything for you, that I will try to be the best you want me to be, that I will satisfy even your most ridiculous fantasies, that I will not nag nor make you kulit, that I will cook for you everyday, if that's what you want, that I will not care if you're the oldest person on earth, that I will give you space and privacy, that I will just simply be there for you when you need me, that I will love you for every minute of the day...
That's all I can offer. Just that.
But I guess that's really trashed out now. Had I been Rafael Rossell, you could have easily said YES. I guess it will be a lot more difficult if I pushed it even harder, when you have stated every possible reason there is, just not to be with me.
I am grateful though that you still consider me as a friend. I want to thank you a million for that. It only takes a real mature person to not be annoyed by my qualms and shortcomings. Insecurity may have dampen my spirit now, but I could easily make peace with that. I dont exactly understand why this sort of things happen to me, but it's really worth the experience. I learned a lot from you.
Salamat for being the bigger person here. Dont you worry, I will try to be the best friend there is. Sigh.
Labels: Friends, ranting, relationships, relief, self-pity, single, stupidity
posted by Twisted at 6:50 PM
8 Comments:
Oooh. Ouch. This is serious. I've known you for years, and Im quite sure when you're in love. Tol, go easy. Hayaan mo na yun, siguro hindi talaga para syo yan. Fix kita ulit ng date, gusto mo? Cool, ayan ka na naman e, tapos iyak2. bwahahaha.
Gabz
KAINIS.. Thanks dude. No more dates muna, this one's pretty tough and challenging. Hehe.. Tama ka, ouch nga. Well, that's life. Aargh..hehehe.
Hi Twisted84,
It’s nice reading your blog, I feel that you are just near or I know you already, an old friend perhaps?
Here are my thoughts on this (Read this in a beauty contest way of delivery) Always think twice, don’t let emotions control you. My word of advice is to take it blow-by-blow. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger…. Inferiority is a state of mind. Everything happens for a purpose…. And world peace!
Are you the impulsive party here? I thought you want risks because it challenges your decision makings and judgments?
You were defining love, so what is Love? And I quote from one of the contestants from “She’s got the look” contest in Eat Bulaga early 90s… ‘Love is like a rosary PULL of mystery’... and she won! Love is unexplainable dude! For a typical Filipino, love is sacrifice. Growing up and working out of our country made me to think like the west, very independent, very cosmopolitan…. Of course, what keeps me intact is my Filipino roots, my values, my judgment. Maybe what is happening is misinterpretation?
Maybe you are jumping ahead and thought of it as excuses, maybe those were reasons. Try asking or opening it up in a conversation, then you will get the answers.
Juan Luna… very expressive, very artistic, very famous. I’m impressed!
Everybody knows that looks fades, even Botox removes one’s expressions. What is important is that makes us inside-our values. Simple things are what matters most. You don’t need fancy cars to fetch someone, a jeep will do, although it will be romantic if it is a Kalesa, good luck sa traffic but very environmental. =)
Fair-skinned? Pioys always wants to be white-like artistas. They are almost transparent-like lizards… ewww….. baka endorser yan nag whitening product?
Try to talk about your differences, comparisons maybe a head start to have a safe conversation; maybe you both do not have anything in common yet. Common dude, lift up that confidence in you!
All I could offer is love. - And who asked for you for a car or a house? Tell the person to join Wow-Wowwee or Eat bulaga! The nerve!!!!!
Rafael Rossell? Good choice… pero “What’s up with that?” Maybe your jumping to conclusions again…. Maybe it is a metaphor or something.
Pakilala mo ga sa akin yan at sasapakin ko....
Whoa! dami nun ah. Thanks Diego. I really dont know where to start, since most of the things you raised, I already did. Maybe you could first clarify things, para malinaw yung direksyon ko di ba? Ambiguity and vagueness is often not my cup of tea. Please HELP.
Thanks! : )
bogs, firsrt of all ay di ako magaling mag english, what is Ambiguity and vagueness? tagalugin mo kaya,,, baka language barier lang problema nyo.
its just a matter of unreachable things. or things that won't really materialize, and Im completely aware of that. mga masasakit na bagay na kelangan lang i-accept for what they are. : ) yun lang yun.
oh my...how stupid is this guy for letting you go?
I must say...you are one hell of guy in love.I salute you.
I hope this guys reads this so he will realize what he's losing or lost for that matter.
hang in there bud, you are gonna find that person who deserves that love that you can offer.
Ouch! am speechless. I can totally relate to this. to bad ngayon ko lang nabasa blog mo. Oh my God, di ko talaga alam ano sasabihin ko. I am one with you...
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