WHEN BARBECUE MEANT FAREWELL TO UTTER MADNESS AND INTRODUCTION TO PERDITION


An hour ago, I finally said goodbye. I hated the fact that I didn't have the courage to tell it myself, and instead use SMS to relay my emotions. Don't get me wrong, I did not plan it at all.

It's just that when you start talking about the other guy, I couldn't help but get affected. I tried to conceal my ache with small bites of liempo but it proved futile. I know we're going to Antipolo, but the agony has seeped through my veins, it completely ravaged my heart, I told you I was doing some errands instead.

I am starting to fall. I know I have made sure that you leave your shoes by the door, but the more I see you, the more drawn I become. I hate goodbyes, but it's a necessary one. For the whole thing is a lost cause anyway, and I am not that masochistic.

You thought I was different. Actually, I am. Different because once I've let down my guard, I am completely honest and truthful. Maybe I just don't have much experience in this kind of set-up, or I still have to learn a lot when it comes to relationships, it's just that everything is unbearable.

I am sorry for such an abrupt action. I just don't want to futher involve myself, it may be too late one day. You just dont know how sorry I am for doing this. You just dont realize how painful it is for me.

You dont have to worry. I have carefully devised a regimen of forgetting and playing numb. I should get used to this kind of complexity. I should not let this happen again. I must not let my impulsiveness and emotions get in the way once more. And I should stop hoping. I am now tired and exhausted.

How I wish I could get one of those iron masks for good. That way, I wouldn't have a hard time hiding my feelings. When I cried a while ago, I felt a surge of loneliness and despair. I felt so alone. If I have that iron mask, people won't see what Im going through. They will just be provided with a permanent smirk, or an awkward smile.

Just give me a week, and I will be over you. We could always be friends, just like what we agreed. You could always run for me for advice or for a simple talk. I just can't go with you to Antipolo and buy those furniture for him.

The barbecue was definitely good. The lunch was absolutely fine. Only the hurt was there to devour, and it was bittersweet.



CHASING PAVEMENTS

I've made up my mind,
Don't need to think it over,
If I'm wrong I am right,
Don't need to look no further,
This ain't lust,
I know this is love but,

If I tell the world,
I'll never say enough,
Cause it was not said to you,
And thats exactly what I need to do,
If i'm in love with you,

Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere,
Or would it be a waste?
Even If I knew my place should I leave it there?
Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?

I'd build myself up
And fly around in circles
Wait then as my heart drops
And my back begins to tingle
Finally could this be it

Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere,
Or would it be a waste?
Even If I knew my place should I leave it there?
Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere