A PECULIAR AND ALARMING SENSE OF INDIFFERENCE AND AMBIGUITY OVER A COMPLETELY INDESCRIBEABLE WEEKEND
I've noticed it just now, that everytime I feel down, confused or blue, I blog. And it somehow alarms me, for blogging may be one sign of yet another doom.
When you told me what happened in the massage place, how you did it with the masseur, I wasn't bothered for a few seconds. When it all dawned on me, I felt a fraction of something is going completely wrong.
I just had a crappy birthday weekend. I'm not really big on birthdays, call me selfish or evil, but for me, birthdays are purely symbolic and mechanical. Yes, it commemorates the day of your existence, but to realize it annually and to throw a considerable amount of effort, money and talent to celebrate it with friends, is rubbish. I have nothing against celebrations, or attending birthday parties but isn't it ridiculous that we only celebrate our life during that particular day of the year? Why can't we appreciate it everyday, and celebrate each day with our loved ones and friends? Why just that symbolic and predictable extravaganza?
My weekend turned out to be boring and crappy. The occasional gym visits are not all satisfying. Working out with complete strangers who only think of their appearance is not what I envisioned my long weekend to be. To make matters worse, the boredom of solitary confinement inside a Makati condo exhausts all your energy. Thank goodness I have books.
I do understand that you must work. That your work necessitates you to revel in Boracay, I do appreciate and support that. But to forget to check on me, once in while, through SMS is unforgivable. Talk about unlimited texting or less than 1 peso messages, to see if I'm still breathing; not to mention the fact that we both have phone lines. It is not a big deal actually, for you have already trained me on that. In fact, I'm slowly beginning to adapt the same practice. For the first 2 days, I understood it, because it was when you were at the busiest. Come the next couple of days, when you've already finished your event, and had all the time to at least call me. Im not really asking for an hourly update, just a simple sentence of you being fine/having fun is enough for me.
Blame it on the boredom, or the birthday perhaps, but it has bothered me that you didn't even bother.
I know all these came to an abrupt end when you lost all your valuables during the last night of your stay. It may be a bit selfish, yet again on my part, but did it ever cross your mind to inform me of what happened? No. I had to bother Charms just to get through you. Of course, she told me of your loss. But you see, it didn't appear so nice to have me as the last person to know.
When you arrived, I didn't know how to react. Should I feel sorry for your loss? Should I feel happy that you're home at last? Should I feel indignant about your utter lack of empathy during the weekend? Should I be an investigator and have you retell everything that happened in Boracay? Should I feel cordial and cheer you up?Or should I just shut up and cook for you? Much as I wanted to do everything and to absolutely console you, I opted to do the last, for you have already complained and whined about your bodyaches, colds, cough and all those little things that drove me away.
I wanted to spend the whole night with you. I wanted to at least be of help, now that you're in misery. I wanted to talk to you, more than anything else, because that has been deprived from me for the last few days. I just want to be with you. But that easily became Middle Earth.
You wanted a massage.
Annoyed and not wanting to blow things up, I easily gave in.
And then you told me what happened.
When everything was absorbed by my neurons, words had difficulty jumping out of my tongue. Things have started to pile up, and even old issues that have slumbered eons ago began to growl.
And now Im writing this entry. Although Vatican has crossed out limbo in its dictionary, I feel the exact word has consumed me, and I'm all flying to Italy to beat up those cardinals for completely discarding the word, when in fact, limbo is where I am now.
I've noticed it just now, that everytime I feel down, confused or blue, I blog. And it somehow alarms me, for blogging may be one sign of yet another doom.
When you told me what happened in the massage place, how you did it with the masseur, I wasn't bothered for a few seconds. When it all dawned on me, I felt a fraction of something is going completely wrong.
I just had a crappy birthday weekend. I'm not really big on birthdays, call me selfish or evil, but for me, birthdays are purely symbolic and mechanical. Yes, it commemorates the day of your existence, but to realize it annually and to throw a considerable amount of effort, money and talent to celebrate it with friends, is rubbish. I have nothing against celebrations, or attending birthday parties but isn't it ridiculous that we only celebrate our life during that particular day of the year? Why can't we appreciate it everyday, and celebrate each day with our loved ones and friends? Why just that symbolic and predictable extravaganza?
My weekend turned out to be boring and crappy. The occasional gym visits are not all satisfying. Working out with complete strangers who only think of their appearance is not what I envisioned my long weekend to be. To make matters worse, the boredom of solitary confinement inside a Makati condo exhausts all your energy. Thank goodness I have books.
I do understand that you must work. That your work necessitates you to revel in Boracay, I do appreciate and support that. But to forget to check on me, once in while, through SMS is unforgivable. Talk about unlimited texting or less than 1 peso messages, to see if I'm still breathing; not to mention the fact that we both have phone lines. It is not a big deal actually, for you have already trained me on that. In fact, I'm slowly beginning to adapt the same practice. For the first 2 days, I understood it, because it was when you were at the busiest. Come the next couple of days, when you've already finished your event, and had all the time to at least call me. Im not really asking for an hourly update, just a simple sentence of you being fine/having fun is enough for me.
Blame it on the boredom, or the birthday perhaps, but it has bothered me that you didn't even bother.
I know all these came to an abrupt end when you lost all your valuables during the last night of your stay. It may be a bit selfish, yet again on my part, but did it ever cross your mind to inform me of what happened? No. I had to bother Charms just to get through you. Of course, she told me of your loss. But you see, it didn't appear so nice to have me as the last person to know.
When you arrived, I didn't know how to react. Should I feel sorry for your loss? Should I feel happy that you're home at last? Should I feel indignant about your utter lack of empathy during the weekend? Should I be an investigator and have you retell everything that happened in Boracay? Should I feel cordial and cheer you up?Or should I just shut up and cook for you? Much as I wanted to do everything and to absolutely console you, I opted to do the last, for you have already complained and whined about your bodyaches, colds, cough and all those little things that drove me away.
I wanted to spend the whole night with you. I wanted to at least be of help, now that you're in misery. I wanted to talk to you, more than anything else, because that has been deprived from me for the last few days. I just want to be with you. But that easily became Middle Earth.
You wanted a massage.
Annoyed and not wanting to blow things up, I easily gave in.
And then you told me what happened.
When everything was absorbed by my neurons, words had difficulty jumping out of my tongue. Things have started to pile up, and even old issues that have slumbered eons ago began to growl.
And now Im writing this entry. Although Vatican has crossed out limbo in its dictionary, I feel the exact word has consumed me, and I'm all flying to Italy to beat up those cardinals for completely discarding the word, when in fact, limbo is where I am now.
posted by Twisted at 7:24 PM
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