THIS TIME


At last. It's about time, it's really long overdue. Im happier now, much much happy the cloud has finally lifted. : )

STILL

Im again tired. But this time, I'm strong enough to resist it. Unlike before when I can barely move at all, now I could at least wade against the stream. Like a salmon that braves to swim against the current to get to its home, I struggle to accept my destination blindfold.

Because still, Im not good enough for you, despite and inspite everything. Dont worry though, I am now perfectly ok with that.

I am in fact, very much hopeful that the right person is waiting for me. Waiting for me to wake up from this nightmare.

END OF AN ERA



We're gonna miss you. You've been truly an inspiration for all of us. We'll forever be a PROUD FILIPINO because of what you have contributed to this country. Sigh...

We need more Filipinos/Filipinas like President Cory. We have to have fewer people like Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo. Damn.

This has been a heavy and tearful month for us, after MJ's death, now comes another HERO. Shit.

LATEST BLOW

I am now my brother's keeper...literally.

My brother, having found himself shoved into adulthood because of unprotected sex, is now moving in with me. He has decided to file for LOA (leave of absence) despite the fact that he is graduating. Probably heavily induced by my father's jerkiness and my mother's nagging, he thinks getting out of the house and looking for a job will emancipate him.

I honestly don't know how to react and what to expect.

Does this mean I have to wrestle my way for that precious CR hours? Do I have to wear clothes now in my own apartment? Is he a new mouth to feed? Is this the end of my social life? Millions of questions, I am freaking out.

I'm meeting him this Sunday, I still have to coach him for a job interview on Monday.

A crisis indeed. I hate it. ARRRGGHH!!!!!

27

In times of utter despair and you find yourself in near-clinical depression, you tend to yearn for beautiful things you might have had or missed. Oftentimes, people with sleeping disorders like me, struggle to achieve that state of bliss by merely hoping that all those things could at least come true or come back. Only, since we've all missed that bus at least once in our lives, we end up sleeping with tears or waking up with a big headache.

I am 27 now. Although I don't necessarily regret all those things that happened to me, I surely do miss all those things that have made me a better person now. So here's a list of 27 uberrantings, musings, hopes and misses that have troubled me for the last week. Argh.

I MISS:
1. That good, intimate and sincere kiss.
2. Being taken care of.
3. Celebrating stupid monthsaries, anniversaries and other dates.
4. Being harassed looking for that special gift to a loved one.
5. Movie marathon or not arguing over a Foreign language film.
6. Going out-of-town with that special one.
7. Taking a bath/shower together.
8. Dining intimately and sweetly in a fine restaurant.
9. Engaging in couple sports.
10. A big hug after a day of stress.
11. Exchanging sweet nothings.
12. Discussing future plans with a hope of lasting forever.
13. A really, really HOT sex, not that 'let's just get this over with' kind or 'i have to get up early tomorrow ' sex.


I HOPE:
14. That Hell is non-existent, because this boring and depressing Summer is endless, it resembles Dante's Inferno.
15. That my life change its course, its getting pretty lame.
16. That my bird-brained boss dies, for her sheer stupidity doesn't have a place in our society.
17. That I find purpose as soon as possible.
18. That Manny Pacquiao stops his obvious profiteering, because boxing has become more of a gamble than a sport.
19. Somebody kills off GMA and all those traditional politicians and bureaucrats, because our politics is getting nowhere, more and more people are leaving the country.
20. That the 2010 Elections pursue.

I LOVE:

21. House, 30 Rock and How I Met your Mother; because they consume most of my time this Summer.
22. The Global-Warming-induced rains, because they preoccupy our local news, instead of delving so much on the Mar Roxas pathetic profession of love to Korina Sanchez.
23. Century Tuna, for providing me with decent food, when budget and limited choices in the menu take a toll on my meals.
24. How my company wastes energy, as we senselessly report for VL. With free air conditioning and internet, not to mention bonding time with friends in our offices, they really do us a big favor this time.


I'M PUZZLED:
25. With how a company (that brags to the world world its sense of community) manages to be oblivious despite its corrupt and decaying culture/system/people.
26. With my own stubbornness, that I still stick with this predicament. The same predicament that has fooled me for months and caused me so much heartaches.

I STILL WANT:
27. To believe -- that my future is not a waste, that I will be happier in the next coming months, that life for the Filipinos will be promising with its kind of democracy, that love is not just a chemical reaction to pass on the genes, that I will be a better and a wiser man this time.


I know my list is a bit cynical. I just hope my 27th year yields far-convincing proofs that my life is indeed worth living.

THE PROBLEM WITH CRITIQUE

I am not self-righteous, in fact, I know my flaws. But I've noticed everytime we tell our friends their 'areas to improve on', they become a little bit hostile. Why is that?

I don't have any problems facing my shortcomings, and I would love everyone I know to be like that. If I am your friend, you'll hear those straight from me, no holds barred but hoping you won't get offended and you'd take it constructively. I am a man of truthfulness and sometimes, tactlessness (according to people), I tend to be overly-critical, brutal, cynical and sarcastic. I AM LIKE THAT.

This same attitude often brings me to utter destruction, for people just seem to realize the sheer brutality in my comments. I loathe that, because the only reason I am being such, is because I am concerned. That's how I show my love and affection to friends. If I tell you of your relentless stupidity, its because I want you to change that, for the better.

However, I came to realize that in friendships, sometimes, its just more humane to shut up. Shutting up is far-fetched in my vocabulary, but the more I think of it, the better it sounds/appeals to me. Its what elders call as Prudence. And I must admit, I haven't got that.

In social relationships, it is indeed hard to define boundaries. Sometimes, our mere prying on the social life of friends may be interpreted otherwise. Our simple remarks could end up in misunderstanding, and our words could mean a thousand in one's ears. I've grown to be a lover of truth, thats why I always search for one; and the more I tell it, the more complicated life gets, because truth is quantifiable in millions of ways.

This is the constant dilemma, as I try to help a struggling friend face his unnoticed pitfalls -- to tell the truth but people consider that as hurtful, or tell a lie, compromise and fabricate the truth so people would just get along. In the end, it all boils down to the actual case, its subjective.

But if things will really be my way, I will still blurt out the shocking and awful truth. I don't care if people view me as a monster or plain evil, because that is what I think will be best for you. Friends are there to help, guide, mold, reprimand, understand and support each other, they're family. If I told you things you're hesitant to accept, I expect you to face that. If you're reluctant and get offended, I will still make you realize those things, I will apologize, but I won't take it back.

Truth comes in different forms, and in my circle of friends, truth comes in a pedantic and critical presence -- me.

MIDNIGHT TRAIN TO GEORGIA


I just love 30 ROCK! I actually spent most of the Holy Week watching Seasons 2 and 3, and now I cant get enough of them. Everybody is hilarious, especially the sarcasm! I would love to be a part of Liz Lemon's team.

This episode is one of my favorites, and it all began when Tracy brought a cappuccino machine in their office. However, Kenneth doesn't drink coffee, for the belief that coffee is corruptive. Kenneth became so addicted to coffee, he found himself totally changed by the 'NY lifestyle'. He decided to go home and catch the train, hence the 'musical part' of the episode. Meanwhile, Liz got paranoid over a posh apartment and Jack broke up with CC, the Democrat Congresswoman he fell in love with. Everybody summed up the episode, and of course their own experiences, with this Motown classic. Gladys Knight also appeared at the end.

Aww. this is good TV. I just wish we have something like this.