HELP NEEDED
Why am i being forced into doing something i really dont like? Why do I have to keep a job that has been troubling me for ages? And why do I always whine and do nothing at all?
I don't know.
Im basically a moment person-- I live by the moment and ignore what's actually in store for me in the future. This kind of attitude has defined my every existence for years now. I can even remember having such reputation back in college, 'cause I always crammed my way in doing projects or papers. My professor once asked me what the title of my final papaer was, in one of my creative writing classes, and I just shrugged off saying, " I still dont know sir, haven't figured it out it yet."
Five years have passed and still, it has been my favorite line. In total honesty, I still haven't grasped that idea of the future. I haven't got that urgent sense to do some drastic changes to revolutionize or revitalize my life. Im stuck in a dimension where absolute oblivion prevails, and attention to urgency is unheard of.
But the irony is, I am perfectly aware of the problem. I know very well for a fact that if I do nothing as soon as possible, I'd be doomed and chances are, I'll end up being in this state again, for the nth time. I even have solutions for my problem, and have even laid plans to alleviate the situation. But still, I lack the execution.
For instance, I've been wanting to resign from my present job in a call center eons ago. I hate the job because it is totally boring and mechanical, not to mention the mind-numbing routine every night. And I think, I can only attain that level of gratification if I look for a more rewarding and relevant job, say, teaching or social work, even writing! Unfortunately, I'm still stuck. You may probably ask what's preventing me from doing the right thing. I've asked the same question to a lot of my friends, and they all advised me to ask myself for a better answer. Make sense.
How I wish I could get away from all of these. Thank Philosophy I dont have any suicidal tendencies, or else my mother would have been rallying in front of UP administration appealing for a change in the Social Science program. She has been blaming my radical ideologies, including Atheism, for being what I am now. She will tell my relatives that I could no longer contain all the information I got from the university and I am having difficulty organizing them, and turning them into a useful reality. That's her opinion, but I am really the one to blame for her thinking like that.
I actually consider a lot of options right now. If I keep this job, I wont be happy, I'll just whine. If I go back to teaching, I'll have to wait for months for the school year to start. If I pursue what my heart tells me to do, I'll end up being poor, and to make matters worse, I lack the credentials. If only given the chance, I want to become an archaeologist or an anthropologist, a social worker, or a member of the leftist movement (NPA). All of them require some qualifications, which obviously I still lack as of today.
My family wouldn't agree to these, but I just want to be happy. But given this kind of procrastination Im living, it will take some time before I make a step towards that paradise.
Could someone please help me? : )
