Same shit, different day.

Here I go again, trying to pretend everything's ok.

Just so I notice everything's kinda in limbo right now. I dunno the main reason, maybe it's me, i dont know.

Ang hirap kasi. Mabigat sa loob. I just can't contain my feelings that's why Im writing again. I always dread these moments, they make me feel vulnerable and obnoxious.

I dont know how to satisfy you anymore. I dont know how to make you happy. I feel very futile.
It seems my every effort to keep the relationship smooth-flowing is not enough. There's always something missing or lacking.

I started giving you more freedom last week by not getting mad at your endless internet surfing of porn. I try not to get irritated by your sarcastic remarks and dense reactions. And I try to be more numb when you tell me things that directly hurt me inside. I try to be dense.

I hate how you turn silent when you're pissed off. I hate it when you make it seem it's all my fault. I hate it when I have to carry all these emotional burden, and feel responsible for what happened. I hate it when we're like this. I know we have to respect each other's right to self, but in this kind of relationship where one tends to be a part of the other one, directly or indirectly regardless of how much they avoid intervention, therefore making the whole thing inevitably intertwining, it's difficult.

I may not be the best guy for you, or far-out, the man of your dreams. I may not have your desired physique for a man. I may not have the willingness to succumb to you and be your ego-booster, cause I always contest your ideas. But one thing I know is for certain.... I love you. If that for you isn't enough, then I dont know what to do anymore.