UNCERTAINTY

For the second time, we arrive at this kind of situation. So awkward, it's difficult to delineate which is which, even the question of how things will be from now on.

I want to write a poem about it, hoping it will gradually explain how I feel about this arrangement, or perhaps create a picture how blurry our, or my future can be, now that its over. But I cant. I wish I could, so I wouldn't have to hide it by being busy, or being cheerful when our favorite program comes on. Or by being pre-occupied with the everyday routine.

I want to cry, but nothing comes out. I want to blame you, but no words fly out of my mouth. I want to feel relieved, but it is so damn difficult. I want to talk things out, but our pride obstructs every way. I want to hurt you, but the remainder keeps me away from the mere thought. I want to give you another chance, but you yourself cant exert any effort to mend what has been broken. I want to leave you, but Im not ready. I want to die but I dont know how. I want to stop writing about this, but it is the only source of my strength.

Im sorry for being so selfish. Im sorry for loving you that much.