CHAOTIC AND FUCKED UP

It's all starting to sink in now -- the consequences of my actions, and the doom awaiting for me, anytime from now.

Everything started last week, from mere chit-chats, it evolved into something greater and compelling. I know it wasn't the right thing for me to do, since Im falling for a completely wrong person - my friend's lover.

I know things will get more complicated and jammed, but we just could help ourselves, or at least, I couldnt help myself, or was oblivious of what Im doing.

Until last night, my friend saw us in the parking lot. He was furious. I was speechless and nonchalant. He bursted but I was calm. I completely understood his behavior, because this is my mess.

When I got home, I told my friends (now old friends)what happened. I also spilled it out to my ex. My ex cried. My heart, now crushed, wanted to disintegrate even more. I lost it, I lost everything, and I've lost my dignity.

Every inch of my existence now comes into vapor. When I went to work the following morning, I couldnt believe what happened. I gathered all the strength I have, to put myself all together, but I guess the shame of my mistake haunts me even more inevitable, that I could no longer think in a rational way. Thankfully, I have friends at work.

I received a text from a friend, telling my ex wants to move out as soon as possible, because my ex cant take it anymore. I insisted that I'll be the one to move out instead, because its my poop anyway. Quickly, I asked everybody in the office if they know some place where I could stay.

Now, I'm back to our old apartment. Memories started to come back as soon as I stepped in that bare loft, and all I could do that dreadful night was to cry. The downpour was overwhelming. I havent cried for ages, and it felt like someone has just stabbed my heart. It's now over, everything.

The damage has been done, and I couldnt fix it anymore. All I have to do now, is to start anew, with no more attachments, and no more mistakes, hopefully.

Mahirap. Masakit. Its a bitter pill to swallow, but I know things will definitely be healed when I take that tablet.

Sigh.

I am happy now. So much happier than before. I have regained myself, and I have found solace.

Thanks. The best things in life are really those you dont expect to happen and to touch your life.

Third Party and Other Parties

So, I've heard now you're actually entertaining a suitor. And to my surprise, that suitor has been eyeing you for months now, without my knowledge or whatsoever. Anyway, I couldn't care less. I suppose we're both happy now, with our own individual lives, and im pretty sure, you're already getting the hang of it.

It just pisses me off, that you tell lies to other people, that you're actually accusing me of something I am not, or I didn't do. Whew, I just so hope, you destroy your life, much sooner that mine, if that is your real intention -- that is, to destroy me.

Two weeks ago, I told myself, "Sana nga me third party, so it'll be much much easier to move on. Kaso wala, so everything was really difficult for me." Now, I busy myself in chores and work loads, that I don't anymore notice that Christmas is fast approaching.

Time flies, really. And love does, as well.

Friedrich Nietzsche You scored a 68 in Existential wisdom!

This is the second highest category for the Existential Test, so close and yet so far away. You know more than most about existential ideas, but only enough to criticize others. Why is your sister such a royal bitch?

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 50% on wisdom

Link: The Existential Test written by radicalren on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Ingmar Bergman Your film will be 63% romantic, 32% comedy, 50% complex plot, and a $ 44 million budget.

Your life will be portrayed on film as an intense psychological drama, likely with some actresses screaming at the camera (Persona), or maybe a pleasant chess game between the Grim Reaper and a Crusader (The Seventh Seal). This Swedish director's films are intensely scrutinzed and studied in colleges all over the world to this day. This means that most Americans still don't understand his films! Still alive, he released in the U.S. in 2005 his first film in 23 years (Saraband), and he can still take on one more project to make your film biography. If curious, start with his films Wild Strawberries and Smiles of a Summer Night.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 92% on action-romance You scored higher than 35% on humor You scored higher than 89% on complexity You scored higher than 91% on budget

Link: The Director Who Films Your Life Test written by bingomosquito on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

KWARTO
Sugarfree

Maglilinis ako ng aking kwarto
Na punong-puno ng galit at damit
Mga bagay na hindi ko na kailangan
Nakaraang hindi na pwedeng pagpaliban

Oohh… Oohh…

Mga liham ng nilihim kong pag-ibig
At litrato ng kahapong maligalig
Dahan-dahan kong inipon
Ngunit ngayo’y kailangan nang itapon


Di ko na kayang mabuhay sa kahapon
Kaya mula ngayon, mula ngayon

May jacket mong nabubulok sa sulok
Na inaalikabok na sa lungkot
May panyong ilang ulit nang niluhaan
Isang patak sa bawat beses na tayo’y nasaktan

Mula ngayon

Ala-ala ng lumuluhang kahapon
Dahan-dahan ko na ring kinakahon
Natagpuan ko na ang tunay kong ligaya
Lumabas ako ng kwarto’t naroon siya

Magpapaalam na sa ‘yo ang aking kwarto (4x)
Magpapaalam na sa ‘yo(3x)
Magpapaalam na sa ‘yo ang aking kwarto